Hello! This past weekend was an interesting, weather filled one. We saw tornadic activity Sunday which hit a mile away from home. Luckily it was far enough away to not have property damage. We were trying to make our way home as the storm moved in, driving directly into the storm’s path. The further away from it we were the easier it was for us to see what was forming. However, the closer we got to the storm, and upon entering it, the less clarity we had about what was going on around us. (For curious minds, we trusted our intuition and sought shelter before driving into the most destructive part of the storm.) This week’s topic works much the same way so lets get into it. Patterns and cycles repeat themselves until we learn what the pattern is trying to teach us about ourselves or our life. The next time you see the same repeated circumstances happening in your life take pause and ask what you’ve been missing.
I have been attempting to find a concise and articulate way of explaining this concept for the past week. Today I stumbled upon a quote by Emily Maroutian which beautifully embodies this lesson: “You’re not stuck. You’re just committed to certain patterns of behavior because they helped you in the past. Now those behaviors have become more harmful than helpful. The reason why you can’t move forward is because you keep applying an old formula to a new level in your life. Change the formula to get a different result.”
This holds such deep truth. We learn patterns at a young age in life, and we are habitual creatures who tend to respond and react to situations in the same way which is how we create the same outcomes repeatedly. In order to create something which aligns with our own growth and the goals we aspire to achieve we must press into ourselves to identify the behaviors which are yielding the unwanted patterns, and then tweak our formula so we create a new opportunity and end result. For instance, in elementary school I first learned addition. As you already know addition is the sum of combining two parts or numbers. Using addition in a formula where the end result will only come to fruition by dividing will never bring about your desired outcome without altering your formula (and learning a new operation of arithmetic). Here’s a personal example. In my 20s and over the course of about 6 years I held two consecutive long term relationships. The individuals I dated were loyal, hard working, and committed but neither of these relationships grew into what I had envisioned to be a loving, healthy, prosperous relationship. Shortly thereafter I quipped my “man picker” was broken, and suggested someone else be responsible for selecting the individuals I date. However, giving my power away to someone else wasn’t the answer. As with all things in life, the answer starts by looking within.
Examining this pattern allowed me to come to see I was not very emotionally available. Naturally I was attracting individuals who were nearly mirrors of my own emotional (un)availability. Thus the relationships did not grow. Just like the storm I referenced above, clarity came with distance. I was able to recognize the reoccurring pattern as it happened but was not able to recognize the lesson until the storm had passed. It was quite challenging to find the new formula necessary to create the outcome I longed to have. For me personally, working with a life coach who lovingly and energetically helped me shift some blocks I built up around being vulnerable in relationships was my ticket to success in reaching my goal.
Here’s one additional takeaway from my experience: community is very important! We are all so used to thinking the way we think, behaving the way we behave, and communicating the way we communicate we have blinders to our own foibles. It is not uncommon to struggle to see one of two things (or both):
- what exactly it is we’re doing to create the patterns which continue to show up in our lives; and
- what tweaks are necessary to our formula to reach the aspired goal.
Having supportive and forthright people around who will assist with love to help us move forward is essential. One final closing thought, turns out we use algebra post-high school after all. It only took 19 years for me to realize it. Who knew?! Thanks for stopping by!
Peace & Love,
Janessa