Those who have been following my journey have read of my spiritual connection and the guidance I receive in my morning devotional time. This guidance doesn’t always come just in the mornings, and I don’t always want to follow its promptings. I’ve become disciplined in following where I’m led (except for the night when I stayed at the house when I was prompted to go stay with my friend), and it’s always worth it when I do.
Prior to Travis leaving, we received a gift certificate to a coffee shop so spent several mornings having coffee dates there… connecting, discussing our fears about his sentence, our hope for the future, and our excitement to be on the other side of this situation, pondering what life might look like once we are.
After Travis left, I have felt a deep inner resistance to do the things we used to do together in the same places we would go. For instance, when meeting a friend for a walk through the same park Travis and I spent a lot of time at after he entered into the plea agreement, my friend and I met on the opposite side of the park and walked in the opposite direction.
One day when I was strongly nudged to return to the coffee shop Travis and I had visited for our last dates prior to him leaving. I thought that sounded like a terrible idea! But I just knew deep down inside I needed to do it anyway. I had spent a lot of time at home the previous couple weeks and it would be good for me to get out of the house. Of all the coffee shops in this town, why that specific one though?! Can’t I get out of the house and go somewhere new; somewhere Travis and I hadn’t been?
The answer was clear: No!
Alright cool, I’ll phone a friend. Meeting someone there should ease sadness, nostalgia, and yearning to be with Travis. I can do this; I’ll just make a little compromise with Spirit. I reached out to one friend and discovered she was going to be out of state on a fun little trip for the weekend, so we’d have to plan to meet a different time. Then I spoke with another friend. As we caught up on life events, we even discussed meeting up for coffee sometime soon, but when the conversation came up it just didn’t feel right to schedule it for Saturday morning. I followed the nudge to go to coffee alone.
Take your computer and write.
Well, that’s a dumb idea I thought. When I write at home it’s just me, the keyboard, my thoughts, my feelings, and the words come together and flow out my fingertips. I don’t have any sound around me; no TV, no music, no loud coffee shop chatter, no clanking dishes. Just silence.
Ok fine. I’ll go alone and do some writing while I’m there.
When I arrived at the coffee shop that brisk Saturday morning, there was a group of runners who had just finished their morning jaunt. Many years ago I had run with this group on a couple occasions. I found myself reflecting on the fond memories of my previous athletic endeavors, and the fortitude of this group to wake so early on a weekend and go out running in the snowy, icy, freezing conditions. I was feeling really cozy in my decision to have left those days behind me and was feeling more confident in reflecting on these warm memories rather than experiencing a yearning to be with Travis.
As I claimed a table near an outlet, I observed a man and a woman at a table near me. Through their body language I could deduce they were not coupled, and they were very passionate about whatever they were discussing. I set up my computer as I continued to take in the atmosphere and individuals around me.
Get out your business card.
Hmmmm, who am I supposed to give it to I questioned. I set my business card on the table and began to write a few sentences. I paused and looked around the coffee shop seeing who might look like someone who would want to hear my story. My attention returned to the man and woman near me. I wished I knew what they were talking about because they both seemed so fervently engaged in the conversation.
I returned to writing another paragraph.
Go talk to him. (The man at the table near me.)
Alright, this is a bit much. I’m an introvert, and I have trotted all the way over here to be in a place I didn’t really want to be. I have to be in the mood to talk to strangers, and I’m not in the mood.
Get in the mood.
I sat there for about 10-15 minutes practicing how I would start what was sure to be the most clumsy and awkward conversation of my life with two people I don’t know who didn’t invite me into a conversation.
If you keep stalling, you’re going to miss your opportunity.
Leaving my business card behind, I approached the couple explaining I had been nudged to speak with them so I would love to explore what we have in common. I shared I had spent 20 years working in the criminal justice system and briefly gave a bit of my professional background. The gentleman was a retired attorney, and the woman offered they meet with a group of the ‘most brilliant legal minds including the most recently retired Nebraska Chief Justice’ every Saturday morning at this location. Everyone else in their group must have departed just prior to my arrival.
We chatted for a length of time, and they asked for my business card to read more about this story. There were several comments about not knowing how some of the processes we experienced would have stood up in court, as well as discouragement regarding any path of post-conviction relief going forward due to agreeing to the terms of the plea agreement.
I guess you knew what you were doing after all, Spirit! I had been praying for legal guidance for months, and while this wasn’t what I had in mind it certainly inspired hope that we were being watched over with provision. Just keep believing and following. In exchanging cards, I was curious if anything more would develop as a result of this “chance” meeting.
A few weeks later, I followed another nudge regarding another attorney. I’ll save the whole story for another blog post since I’m not sure the entire story has been revealed yet. But I will share during my conversation with him, he offered clarifying information on the target letter and only having three business days to find an attorney. While it seems like something is awry there, defendants have no procedural rights to a target letter. Many defendants don’t even receive them and are arrested instead. This makes my conversation with the prosecutor so much more intriguing to me. When I asked the prosecutor about due process with only three business days to get an attorney, he didn’t enlighten me to the fact there is no such thing as due process for target letters. Instead, he responded about how he had pushed previous cases through even faster before. Normalizing a behavior doesn’t make it legal, and if you’re doing something you know is legal, why wouldn’t you offer that reasoning?
When I had questioned the three business days timeframe with Travis’s defense attorney, his response was “I think they can do whatever they want.” It turns out he wasn’t wrong, but his answer didn’t actually convey certainty that he knew he was right. Travis and I both have spent a lot of unnecessary energy and emotion over that part of his experience in the past nine months.
The second piece of information this attorney offered was that there is not a post-conviction path or process available to Travis that would be docketed and heard in court faster than him serving out his sentence. The system moves slowly and with Travis being a short timer, he will be out before any legal process could reach completion. With that being said, there aren’t a plethora of paths available to Travis given the conditions of the plea agreement.
Travis found a page from a book some of the inmates were sharing very intriguing. The book had been written by a former prosecutor and the page he had available to him discussed the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) and evidentiary rights in plea agreements:
“This is a relatively new item to be included in plea agreements. Some U.S. Attorneys include a waiver of your rights under the FOIA as part of their plea agreements they write up. My opinion is that you should never agree to this waiver. If you do agree, you are effectively telling the FBI/DOJ that they can engage in illegal acts to convict you, and you will never be able to find the truth. FOIA requests are a very valuable source of information that you never get during your prosecution, trial, or sentencing—information that might be totally unknown or unexpected to you, or that might be critical to your ability to get post-conviction relief. I can think of no legitimate reason why a U.S. Attorney’s Office would want a waiver of your FOIA rights, and the mere fact they ask for it suggests that they have something they are trying to hide from you. I always recommend that you refuse to agree to this waiver.”
If we only knew then what we know now. We remain open to a miracle. They happen every day after all. Why not to us?!?
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Peace & Love,
Janessa