In my first 10 years of employment in the state’s criminal justice system, it had become a dream of mine to work as a federal employee. I had my sights set on federal probation. The workloads were more tolerable, the pay was better, and you were protected by the ability to carry a firearm rather than a tiny canister of pepper spray State Probation “armed” you with. Working for State Probation always left me feeling as though I was taking a knife to a gun fight (we didn’t carry knives for the record).
On one really hot June day, my probation partner and I were serving an arrest warrant with an assist from the Omaha gang unit. The detainee was a documented gang member and gang activity in Omaha that year was at a national high. Due to the amount of people being shot that summer, probation administration had moderated the hours we could do home visits and work the streets but had not made any changes to how we physically protected ourselves. Therefore, we would coordinate with the gang unit and ensure we had an additional layer of safety.
It was a spicy hot day when we were detaining the arrestee. I can still remember the humidity and the sweat that seeping into this thick but semi protective vest. The detainee was very cooperative, and as were bringing them out of their home to the police car for transport all of a sudden we heard popping. Gun fire? Every single officer with a firearm took off running in the direction of the sound. It was one of those moments where your mind speeds up or time slows down. My probation partner and I looked at each other and looked at our car. We were not allowed to transport probationers, but we were also not going to stand out in the wide open hoping and praying our little canisters of pepper spray would ward off any flying bullets.
We had the probationer get down in the backseat of the car and we got in the front. The wait felt like forever. We scanned our surroundings and couldn’t see an immediate threat, but that’s not an uncommon element when bullets are flying. The sweat from the heat quickly morphed into an adrenaline response. The phrase sweating bullets took on a very literal meaning. When the officers returned they shared the good news that it was just fireworks being shot off nearby, and there was no imminent threat. This was a situation I could certainly go a lifetime and never relive! I decided federal probation looked incredibly enticing comparatively.
In 2008, I began applying for every federal probation officer opening that was available within a several state radius. Due to the economy, positions were being lost to attrition so there were not many opportunities. Additionally, while I was incredibly ambitious and had experienced some very unique scenarios on the job, I was still a little spring chicken in my career having less than 7 years of experience. I wasn’t even getting an interview.
I transferred to a probation office closer to home in 2010 while my dad survived an unreal car accident was recovering from some health concerns. This afforded me the opportunity to quickly promote to Drug Court Coordinator. The Drug Court Coordinator position was an awesome experience in working with many legal officials in very adversarial roles: District Court Judges, defense attorneys, prosecutors, therapists, Captain of the State Patrol, and the Chief of Police.
But the drug court was in jeopardy of closing, although I didn’t know that when I accepted the position. I had transferred and moved two hours away from where I had been living for the past seven years to find out the position I took was in jeopardy of being nonexistent. This job was going to be intense, and it wasn’t just due to rehabilitating drug addicts.
The issue at hand in the drug court was the defense attorneys wanted due process procedures implemented for those who would be terminated from drug court. The prosecutor had joined forces with the defense attorney and helped them write an appeal on a case which was sent to the appeals court prior to my hiring. When a prosecutor is working for rights for defendants that’s really saying something, and I took notice.
I sat down with the prosecutor to understand more about the appeal. He explained to me the defendants plead guilty to enter into drug court. It’s the only way they have any chance of having their charge dismissed if they complete the program successfully. But not everyone is successful, and when someone is terminated from drug court they go straight to sentencing. The defendants were not being afforded the opportunity to be heard or defend themselves on violations which had terminated them from drug court. Both the defense and prosecutor wanted due process to be afforded to these defendants who had already pled guilty by giving them a termination hearing where the violations could be presented, and the defendants had an opportunity to defend themselves.
This made sense to me. Probation had a probation violation hearing where the defendants were given these rights. I had testified at many of them when violating probation clients, and drug court participants should have these same rights afforded to them. The prosecutor was not going to allow anyone else to enter the drug court until due process proceedings had been implemented. This was not a baseless threat; there were only seven participants left in a program with max capacity being 30 individuals.
I coordinated implementing policy changes agreed upon by all stakeholders in the system, and this eventually came to be precedent proceedings in our state drug court system. Additionally, I would have other drug court staff reach out who were looking to implement similar due process proceedings to see what and how our system worked.
While I was working in drug court my best friend from college had gotten hired by the Department of Homeland Security after her deployment, and they were hiring. She planted the seed many times over encouraging me to apply. It was not a position I was interested in, but she made a great argument: just get in with the federal government and transfer to the agency and position you desire. So I applied. It was a very long time before I heard anything back, well over 6 months, and I had honestly completely forgotten about the position by then.
The hiring process was quick and simple. I had a brief interview, had to submit a writing sample, and was offered the position. Wait, that’s all the more thorough their screening process is for applicants? Well, there was a catch. I was being offered a term position which meant I was guaranteed the position for only 13 months. If funding wasn’t available or my work didn’t suffice I would be released after those 13 months. It felt like such a huge risk to take this position and leave behind the reputation I had built in the state system. I knew if I stayed the course I would be working in administration sooner than later, or I could leave it all behind for a roll of the dice and 13 months.
At first I told my friend there is no way I’m taking this job. It’s a pay cut, it’s a move to a more expensive cost of living, and it’s not even a permanent position. But this was my dream. If I could just make it to the federal government I was certain I would stay there until my retirement and be ever so grateful for a more reasonable work-life balance. I took the job, and was converted to a permanent employee about four months in to the job. After one year of employment I received a pay raise and was making more than my previous state job. In just three short years I had doubled the income I was making at the state.
Everything had worked out. I was ambitious, being challenged, learning things about the law I had certainly never had exposure to in the state system, and was being highly awarded for my work. I had received the Best of the Best which is an award based upon performance with a pay increase that only 1% of the 1,400 employees at my office received. I was nominated for it a second time by a different supervisor the very next year but was not selected as a recipient the second time. However, my work was getting attention and accolades nonetheless.
After four years I decided perhaps it was time to make the transfer into an agency where I really felt passionate about the work I was doing. I looked at federal probation since that had been so high on my list previously but decided it didn’t hold the same luster as before. Then I found an opening for a Diversion Investigator position with the DEA. This was right up my alley! The position investigates legal drugs and equipment (such as pharmaceuticals) which get diverted into illegal drug activity. I applied. I submitted my writing sample. I interviewed. I was offered the position in Hawaii, on the island of Honolulu. And I was later told by the interviewing official he immediately wanted to hire me after seeing my writing sample.
When I filled out the paperwork of the places I wanted to live I wasn’t expecting to actually be offered a position that would take such a huge relocation effort. Researching the reality of living on the island was much less appealing than I expected as well. It was an incredible place to visit, but without having the ability to determine when I would be able to move back to the mainland I deferred the position knowing there would be a second offer made in the future with their next academy.
The second time around the offer was made to the Kansas City office. This was indeed a place I was willing to relocate with certainty, but my heart had changed over the many months between offers. I began to acknowledge and understand that people’s brains become addicted to prescription medications within 72 hours, yet the FDA was approving these drugs to be prescribed for up to 30 days. Addicts were being created based upon the prescribing regiments, and then those addicts were being held accountable when they do illegal things while their brains can’t think clearly because they are high on substances. I’m not supportive of illegal activity nor do I justify it, but I didn’t think this was an aspect of justice I wanted to serve.
Declining this position would remove me as a candidate permanently. It was a big decision. A dream I had dreamed for so many years. Did it really make sense to walk away? But had it even made sense for me to take my initial temporary offer from the Department of Homeland Security? I dug deep into my soul, my truth, my desires, and with a slight amount of angst and some really solid advice from friends—which job will allow you to smile more?—I declined the position and remained with the Department of Homeland Security for the next several years.
As I mentioned in an earlier blog, my days with the department were winding down in the summer of 2022. The flexibility and comfort of this position had afforded me the ability to recharge after being very burnt out with my state job. It had also granted me the ability to discover what I was really passionate about in life and pursue the training to make it into a career. All of the training I had done in energy psychology and functional medicine I had done while taking my annual leave from work. While it wasn’t much of a vacation at the time, I deeply enjoyed it and it was an investment in myself I knew would eventually pay off.
And it did. The first time I was able to help someone else heal through traumatic pain they had been carrying since childhood, I knew this was going to be my ultimate career path. And when I was able to walk alongside addicts and assist them in truly healing from their addiction without constant relapse and fear of falling off the wagon again someday, I knew this was my real purpose in life.
So at a time when it yet again didn’t make much logical sense to make a career change, with Travis’s self surrender date approaching us in just five short days and while barely strong enough to work a full day from food poisoning, I bid my government career farewell. When I had submitted my resignation I had emailed it to my upper line of management. I had the very best supervisor you could ever hope to have in any job, but aside from him I heard not one single word from anyone in response to my resignation. Not one single thank you for your service or best wishes on your new endeavor.
Affirmation. It was the government showing their true colors. Everyone is replaceable and no one is valued, neither is their work. This was so far out of alignment with how I desire to treat people, to be treated, the integrity I was raised to live by, and the respect and dignity humans deserve. And to set the record straight because I have been asked several times: I left on my own terms. I have never had one single disciplinary action during my federal career, but I have had countless awards.
And I was now free. If only Travis were as well.
Looking back it’s interesting to see how each of my past career experiences had come full circle to the situation Travis found himself in with his criminal case. The no knock search warrant based upon photos on Facebook which yielded nothing while Travis’s case was based upon IG and a multitude of devices, the intimate inside knowledge I had from working in a prison like where he would soon be residing, due process proceedings which didn’t seem like he was afforded, and his brother’s addiction just to name a few. I knew more than the average citizen, but not enough to actually help him from a legal standpoint.
We were going to make the most of the last four days we had together beginning with a prayer circle hosted by the most beautiful people from our church. It gave us peace, calm, and strength we had not expected. We were certain something bigger was at play here, and we just had to continue to take one step forward at a time while keeping our eyes focused on opportunity.
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Peace & Love,
Janessa