During the first few weeks of Travis’s sentence, we were spoiled with regular phone calls. Some weekends he would even call for 45 minutes (3 separate 15 minute calls). It was such a blessing as we transitioned to this new and temporary normal for his time away. (I constantly tell myself this is all temporary because in the grand scheme of our relationship it is. However, it will be the only way communication works while he’s incarcerated.)
Inmates are given a set number of minutes for calls each month, and Travis’s minutes reset on the 28th of each month. Since he began his sentence on the 11th this meant he had the entire allotment of minutes for the month to use over the course of 17 days. Once he realized he could make more than one call a day, we talked regularly during those first 2 ½ weeks.
The next month went much differently. The incident with the potential prowler occurred right at the beginning of when his minutes reset and a lot of minutes were used in just a few days. We were on pace to only have about 8 minute calls a day or we’d run out of minutes. And the calls we had which focused on legal matters or things Travis needed me to do for him, it just was not possible to keep those calls under 8 minutes. We ended up only being able to speak 3 of the final 12 days for the month.
It can feel incredibly challenging to foster a relationship in a few hundred minutes of communication per month. But the days of knowing we wouldn’t be talking at all were easy and incredibly difficult all at the same time. They were easy in the sense that when I know I won’t be receiving a call, I know what to expect. When the routine is receiving regular calls and then a day passes without hearing from him, the worry kicks in. Is he in segregation? Did he have a medical emergency? Did he get beat up? Did he receive a misconduct report and have his phone privileges taken?
I’ve been able to move into a greater space of acceptance and surrender with practice over the past couple months. The simple explanations for the days he hasn’t called has also eased my fears: some days the phones and computer systems are down, sometimes the line is too long and the phones shut off before he makes it to the front of the line to call, and when he is reassigned to a new living space it can take up to 24 hours for the phones to reset and work on the floor where he’s staying.
As the phone conversations dwindled the letter writing became a key source for connection. So many of the experiences in this process have such vast emotions. The first day I received a letter from him I was thrilled, elated, and felt so much love. I love to receive cards, but this isn’t a common way for Travis to express his love so receiving letters from him would be a fun new adventure. What possibly did he choose to share inside this envelope?
But looking at the envelope also left a deep aching in my chest. His identity including a number on the return label, his number also listed on the address of the recipient next to my name and information, and when I read the contents of the letter…it was apparent how little there was at this time to stimulate his mind. Never in a million years could I have imagined this would be a part of our life.
The mailing system to the facility is fickle and not super reliable. When sending mail in, there can be no colored ink, no pictures, no return labels, no cards, and no inserts. All of the mail sent to and from the inmates is read before the inmate receives it or it is placed in the outgoing mail. Some letters Travis has written take two weeks for them to be post marked by the post office. Some legal documents I have sent in to him have taken two weeks for him to receive as well.
I had a letter returned to me because I addressed the envelope in colored ink. The letter was never opened or inspected. A return label was placed on the outside of the envelope, and it took a month from the time I sent it to receive it back.
It’s common for 2-3 weeks to pass with no mail at all and then receive six letters over the course of three days. I’m so grateful we are able to correspond through writing regardless of the lag time in the processing of the mail, but the reality of this situation is that it does not do anything to foster relationships on the outside.
Another interesting aspect of the Bureau of Prisons is the inconsistency with their policies. I know another family who is supporting an inmate in a different federal facility–and even a different state—then where Travis is. This inmate receives 200 less minutes of telephone time per month, but is able to have video calls.
I had Travis ask around at the facility about video calling, and he was told I was confused as that’s what state prisons do. I am not confused, and I would love to have video calls with Trav.
As I write this, we are over two months into his incarceration, and I am not yet on the visitor’s list. The processes are perplexing to me. If my security clearance is the appropriate level for the prison, I would be able to apply and begin working at a facility without further investigation. I’ll be honest, I do not know what level of background checks are run for visitors of federal inmates, but I do know what background checks are run at a state facility because I conducted them when I worked in the prison. The background checks for the state prison’s visitor list is much less comprehensive than the investigation I went through to obtain my security clearance. It’s mesmerizing to me, that someone with a security clearance who had no involvement in the crime and was included in the presentence investigation completed by the probation office would need months to be approved as a safe visitor for a prison facility.
I find the difficulty to maintain relationships with inmates quite interesting as success rates are higher and recidivism rates are lower for inmates who have positive support systems on the outside. Yet, while they are incarcerated there are few, if any, policies in place to allow for those healthy relationships to thrive. Around every corner it seems like there are endless opportunities to improve reentry procedures and foster connections which reduce recidivism.
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Peace & Love,
Janessa