Marrying a felon who is about to serve 18 months of incarceration while sharing intimate details of your relationship with the entire world is likely a relationship death sentence. Especially when you stack the statistics of a second marriage on top of it. I did it anyway and have never felt more sure and aligned with my decision!
This legal situation had dictated so many factors throughout the entire year in 2022 it was important for us to move forward in this aspect of our life. Although, this too, had much deliberation, fear, and hesitation. If we married what would happen to my financial accounts and status or my job if I ended up choosing to stay with the department? Since we had been blindsided by so much this year, we also gave consideration to the potential of being blindsided by even more things should we marry, things that didn’t even occur to us as being a possibility.
There is one thing I do not like to allow to lead my decisions: fear. And all of our hesitations seemed like fear-based worries.
Then there was the planning. We had two previous aspirations for marrying outdoors in Chadron and then in a house mountainside in Colorado. After the sentencing it was apparent neither of these options would come to fruition. In fact, I was so maxed out in November I didn’t want to plan anything. So we didn’t.
It was the first week in December when we received confirmation from the officiant and began solidifying the plans. We thought it would be most authentic of us to marry at a local lake where we spent a great deal of time with our dog throughout the past several months. Nature is our jive! This is a bit of a roll of the dice in Nebraska toward the end of December, but it’s just as likely the weather could be 50 degrees and sunny as it is for a snowstorm to blow through.
After everything this year had brought our way, surely we’d get a fair-weather day to have just one true celebration, right? As the 14-day forecast became available for December 22, it wasn’t looking great: high of 18. Knowing the ceremony would be short, simple, and to the point I tried convincing myself this was doable. The forecast continued to tank: high of 12, then 8, then -6.
Not only was the high going to be -6, but there was also going to be up to 40 mph winds, snow possible, and what was deemed the winter weather storm of the ages (or something like that) was going to join us on our wedding day. Joy!
I could believe it, and I couldn’t believe it all at the same time. There is one trait Finleys do not run short on and that’s determination. Our officiant’s wife made a brilliant suggestion of a local Audubon that had an event room. Perfection! Indoors yet with the nature vibe we desired! It was one week before the event when we were able to secure the event room.
On the afternoon of December 20th, I received an email from the Audubon. With regret they shared they close during inclement weather. They had not yet made the decision to close on the 22nd, but if we got the weather forecasted, they would be closing which meant their event space might not be available for us after all. I set my phone down and laughed. Of course! Of course, there would be adversity!
Hearing Jen Poulson’s words ring loud and clear in my head “surprise me universe!”, I rubbed my hands together with anticipation of the adventure it would be in finding a new space on such short notice. Lucky for me Travis was not home at the time. I knew if I didn’t have a backup plan before telling him, we would likely end up rescheduling the entire wedding.
I picked up the phone and called SammiJo to share the ‘you will never believe this news’, and her response was an immediate solution. A location I hadn’t even thought of which we ended up using for the event. That wasn’t so hard. Thank you universe!
I woke up on December 22nd after another restless night of tossing and turning and inadequate sleep to the smell of freshly brewed coffee. My morning meditation message: “This will be the best day of your life even if it doesn’t seem like it right now.” Huh, ok… I thought as I bounced out of bed with joy thanking Travis for the coffee before I actually saw him standing by the door.
He was hunched over and huddling his hands close to his face. He appeared to be in pain. What was going on? Then I saw the snow shovel, as I heard him pose the question “Why exactly are we getting married today? Is 12/22 really worth all this?”
He had shoveled the drive in -40 degree wind chill and he was painfully cold. His hands were numb. It was dangerous to be outside. While Nebraska’s weather seems to be pretty challenging to accurately forecast, they weren’t wrong this time. I had certainly hedged my bets they were going to miss the mark and the weather would be better than what they had been reporting.
My parents had made the three hour trek the day before so when I suggested it was fine if we made the decision to reschedule even though it was this late in the game, we decided to not inconvenience people any more than what driving in this horrible storm had already imposed. I can’t say how grateful I am to our friend, and the military veteran officiant, who had made it his personal mission to ensure rain, shine, or otherwise we would be wed by the end of the day.
The ceremony was very intimate, small, and simple. It had not been the place we envisioned, family we had wanted to share the moment with were joining via zoom instead of in person, and there was no nature vibe. But it was magic. The love in the room was overwhelming in the best way possible. Not just our love, but the love of those sharing the moment.
The confidence we would love, accept, support one another to traverse the greatest of life’s challenges was something I hadn’t experienced in relationships before. And I realized my parents provided this unconditional love for many more years than I had been aware because I had been overlooking it or just simply not open to receive it. Their love and support throughout this situation had been unmatched, and they didn’t hesitate or second guess when I shared our plans of marrying at such an unconventional time. Plus, they drove through the storm of the ages to be there with us.
And Travis’s parents? Equally supportive, accepting, loving, and encouraging. I was in awe of the relationships all around me. My heart overflowed with gratitude and appreciation.
It was a short ceremony, no more than 15 minutes, but for me it was powerful and life changing. It was the celebration I needed, but not for the sake of celebrating, feeling good, or being merry. It was the celebration of unconditional and everlasting love. Through this entire situation, we have been blessed with commitment, acceptance, and unconditional love.
While finances had been a constant pressure for me throughout this past year, I was brought back to a principle I believed so deeply I had created a wall hanging in our living room many years ago as a daily reminder. But the daily reminder had blended into the mundaneness of daily life. This was the reminder I had needed: “The best things in life aren’t things.”
I laid down to yet another sleepless and restless night at the end of this beautiful day and my soul felt a relief it had never known before: everything was going to be ok… somehow. I had felt for several months there was a much bigger plan behind everything we had been experiencing this year, and we just couldn’t see it yet. This nudge had grown to a knowingness which solidified to certainty on this day.
Such an unconventional love story. Such a hard road to traverse. So much unknown, heartache, and despair. Yet through all the uncertainty was the deepest sense of inner peace I had ever experienced. An inner peace which is sourced from something greater than our human ability to create. God was in us, around us, guiding us, with us. We had vowed to answer the call wherever it would lead.
Lesson learned: Light casts out darkness and love conquers all.
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Peace & Love,
Janessa