There I was one bright, beautiful spring day. I was packed up and ready to depart a federal training facility with a month’s worth of my possessions. Of course being the girl that I am I needed a very large piece of luggage and an additional carry-on to get all of my personal possessions home. The carry-on I was using was a large hiking pack I had borrowed, and it was well beyond being within reasonable proportion to my body size. It engulfed my entire back and hung half way down to my knees. These two bags allowed me to carry at least 75% of my body weight in luggage. We were to board a bus used to shuttle us to the airport. As I stepped onto the bus I lifted my luggage, while having the enormous carry-on pack strapped to my back, to discover my balance was non-existent. My response was a very egotistical thought of being able to save this ill-fated situation by muscling my way through it. I attempted to reach for the handrail to pull my weight forward into the bus. Before my hand could connect with the handrail, gravity and inertia did their thing. In slow motion I fell backward out of the bus. My large luggage case hit the pavement first and toppled over. The weight from my pack pulled me to the side causing me to land on my back and partially on top of the large luggage case already on the ground. I was completely immobilized between my large piece of luggage and ending up partially under the bus with the weight on my back making it impossible to sit up. I was on my back like a stranded turtle on its shell.
I laid there hysterically laughing at myself awaiting the bus driver to come to my rescue by helping me up while the jam packed full bus also enjoyed the entertaining scene. In hindsight, it sure would have been easier to just let go of the luggage in my hand allowing it to fall so that I could have stepped off the bus to pick it up.
Do you ever find yourself muscling your way through life? Often times when I ask a friend or coworker about their weekend they give a long list of things which kept them incredibly busy while sounding exhausted and unenthused about those events. We live in a culture where busy is the norm. It is easy to get caught up in living by the “I should”, “I have to”, “if I don’t do it no one else will”, or with a mindset of committing to things out of obligation. Instead of living by our priorities we agree to all of the things we expect of ourselves or that we feel others expect of us.
The last two weeks have been a night and day difference for me even though both weeks contained an equally hectic schedule. Two weeks ago I was able to fill my week with tasks which aligned with my soul. Even though I was busy and spending my energy I was also simultaneously being filled by the very things I was pouring my energy into. I was tired by the end of the week, but I felt accomplished. This past week was filled with obligations, items I had committed to long ago, tasks I didn’t feel I could turn down, or events which I had convinced myself would be good development opportunities even though they weren’t in an environment which speaks to my soul. Unlike the week before, I wasn’t tired by the end of the week; rather by Tuesday I was exhausted, depleted, and entirely spent. I found myself not being able to get enough sleep to feel energetic no matter how early I went to bed. On top of being exhausted and drained, by the end of the week I didn’t feel I had accomplished anything other than running around being a task master. I wouldn’t expect a stapler to fulfill the same purpose of a measuring cup without frustration or extra effort, but often times I expect something equally absurd from myself.
My wish for you is to let go of the heavily weighted objects that are dragging you down in life or pulling you off of your bus of peace and serenity. These weighted items often lead us to a rut leaving us feeling immobilized or stuck. Muscling through these joyless duties aren’t serving you or your happiness. Instead, I challenge you to identify and live by your priorities and innate talents. Not only will you be lighter, more energetic, and happier, those closest to you will also reap the rewards of the brighter side of you. Doesn’t having more energy with a positive ripple effect on those around you sound like pure bliss? And if you ever find yourself falling off a bus it’s good to be able to laugh at yourself on the way. Thanks for stopping by!
Peace & Love,
Janessa
A wise friend of mine once told me, “A rut is nothing more than a grave with the ends kicked out of it.” Lesson learned, when you find yourself in a rut, stop kicking, make the changes to affect direction. Thanks for sharing your blog.