Travis has many qualities I’ve always admired, one of them being his tenacious and unrelenting drive to see something through to the end. It was a very useful trait for him to have throughout this experience.
It is now around the 20th of July. It’s been a month since Travis’s court appearance where he accepted the plea agreement and was told he could have a presentence report investigated and created by the probation office. He definitely wanted the report as he had more favorable things to be found in his history than unfavorable.
He was told a packet should be mailed to him. He would need to fill out everything thoroughly and transparently and return it to the probation office. He diligently had been checking the mail for the last four weeks. Nothing had come.
Travis reached out to his attorney who emailed the probation office. The response from the probation office was to have Travis report to the local probation office to fill out the packet in person since the deadline for submitting the information for the report was nearing. Previously Travis had been advised by his attorney to make sure he gave all interviews in the presence of his attorney. Now the attorney just wanted Travis to get the information submitted and had not been proactive in verifying the packet had reached Travis. If it wasn’t for Travis’s follow up, not only would the deadline have passed by but so would have the opportunity of any benefits which might come from this report being completed.
Travis also spoke with his attorney asking how the FBI would have gotten the picture from his phone without a warrant since Travis never saw a warrant. His attorney said the FBI probably had a warrant and also indicated he hadn’t heard about this until now. He hadn’t heard about it even though he was present in the meeting with the prosecutor, the one where he sat doodling on his note pad, while the prosecutor displayed the photo on a screen and asked Travis about it. Travis’s attorney even went so far to say that Travis had to have been involved at some level. His attorney never viewed the exculpatory evidence Travis possessed and jumped to his own conclusions.
It was becoming clear we had not hired an attorney. We hired a coach. Travis was not getting legal representation willing to research the law, find answers to questions he didn’t know, research how the law is interpreted, dig into etymology, challenge the prosecution on any factors in his case, or stay on top of the details of his case without insistence and prompting by Travis. Instead, what Travis was getting was someone who had navigated the system before and was willing to show Travis how to do the same by guiding him through the path of least resistance.
I had recommended Travis hire this individual. The amount of shame, blame, and guilt I was swimming through was enormous. Especially since I had given Travis the same exact response in the beginning–that he must have done something for this to be happening–until I began looking at the screenshots on his phone, considered the dates the comments were made, the time we spent without internet and cell phone service on those same dates, and other inconsistencies in the evidence. But Travis’s attorney never even bothered to look at those items. So it was up to Travis to build his own case, to be unrelenting in advocating for himself. Travis began to wonder if this is really how the system typically functions, or was he deliberately not receiving the information necessary to assist him leading up to sentencing? Our experience in this system was that it is clearly disjointed and ineffective in many ways.
Travis went to the probation office as directed and submitted all of the information. He complied with all recommends by the probation office including a substance abuse and psychological evaluation. The diagnosis from both of those evaluations was only anxiety due to the case. He attended counseling sessions weekly and began an anger management course all at the advisement of probation. It was there, at the follow up appointments with this counselor, that it was revealed to Travis his attorney believed his case was 50-50 and could go either way: probation or a prison sentence. His attorney had told Travis he was 99% sure he could convince the judge to give him probation. This eroded Travis’s confidence and robbed him of sleep at night.
Aside from continuing these rehabilitative efforts there was nothing more for Travis to do but pass the time. He had relentlessly sought employment after being released from his job to no avail. With the case still pending and facing up to two years in prison, no one was willing to take a chance on him. He had also sought community service so he could be contributing in a positive way. He was declined for that opportunity as well. It seemed they wanted volunteers with a great deal of experience in the criminal system and since this was Travis’s first offense, his criminal resume wasn’t long enough to donate his time and skills. He still had 2 ½ more months until sentencing.
The silver lining was the motivation it provided me. Many days I would find it challenging to work a job my heart was no longer in, but I would immediately find gratitude for the fact I had a job to work. Many people wish, hope, and desire a break from the grind, but when it’s forced rather than by choice… it’s a completely different experience.
Lesson learned: Always, always, always advocate for yourself! It’s easy to default to an expert or someone of authority, but at the end of the day no one else lives your life but you. Your intuition is wise and discerning. Listen to those inner nudges, and then speak up and show up for yourself!
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Peace & Love,
Janessa