What was your favorite story as a child? Snow White? Cinderella? Jack & Jill? Jack & the Bean Stalk?
I was captivated by Hansel & Gretel as a kid although I don’t ever remember asking for the story to be read to me. What I do remember is staring at the illustrations in the book, feeling strongly drawn to the story. Do you ever stop and truly think about fairy tales from childhood? From my adult lens I find Hansel & Gretel quite startling for children, and I wonder what real lesson the author was trying to teach children.
Poor parents might abandon their kids in the woods to fend for themselves?
Shoving old women into an oven and killing them is a great way to resolve issues?
Humans are cannabilistic?
The story does interweave abandonment into it which is something many children experience; even if they do not lose a parent or aren’t placed in foster care.
Children can perceive abandonment simply by bringing ‘replaced’ by a younger baby when you expand your family or by not responding quickly enough to them when they’re crying. Isn’t the human psyche wildly fascinating?!
Identifying that you or someone you love is dealing with abandonment trauma can include symptoms such as:
- people pleasing
- seeking approval from others to feel good about themselves
- staying in unhealthy relationships to avoid being alone
- fears being alone; i.e. question if the relationship is ending when a minor conflict arises
- doesn’t trust self or others easily
- quickly attaches to new relationships, especially intimate partners
- is needy and seeks constant reassurance
My personal abandonment trigger has been lack of acknowledgement. Not being seen, heard, or responded to has felt like death to me for most of my life…and needy. Being able to recognize it has allowed me a great deal of freedom!
On our recent Eyes Wide Open episode SJ & I chat about how to recognize abandonment, the 5 stages of abandonment and ways to process each stage to get unstuck, and the best responses to give a loved one who is actively expressing an abandonment trigger. (Pssssst….One of them is ‘I’m not going anywhere’.) It’s a great episode loaded with helpful information for you to forge harmony in all of your important relationships–including the one with yourself!
Abandonment by others causes an internalized response too, where we self-abandon our own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Come recreate your relationships in Stronger Together this month and unlock the security in yourself (no more people pleasing!) and others (no one is going to run away if you allow them to get to know the REAL you) so you can build relationships upon on a solid foundation of trust and self-confidence!
Peace & Love,
Janessa