This isn’t deja vu! If you’re questioning whether you already saw this post…you did see a version of it publish last week. It went rogue, thought it was so important people needed to see it twice, and so here is the final product in all its glory!
My grandma, and last surviving grandparent, passed away about three weeks ago. Based upon the condolences and support I have received from friends and loved ones; it seems as though it’s popular opinion I have experienced more than the average amount of loss in the past couple years.
I’ve also received just as many stories from friends about the way their loved one has blessed them, loved them, and led them from the afterlife. What allows some to see loss not as a profound gaping hole in their life and rather as gain and opportunity?
When grief comes visiting it brings its sidekick with it– loss. A loss does not have to be enormous for grief to accompany it, but when grief knocks on your door, I assure you it affords you more than just the experience of loss!
Grief has one of two effects on you, and maybe it doesn’t feel like it, but you really do get to choose which direction this emotion takes your life. But the choice gets disguised by the pain making it difficult to recognize.
You see for many grief is a burden, an anchor impossible to untether. The mere thought of releasing its weight comes with shame and guilt. You don’t know how to honor the person you lost without carrying the burden of grief around. The burden is a tribute to your loved one, a sign of remembrance, and a dutiful homage.
The other choice is to allow grief to reveal you. Reveal your truth, wash away the parts of your heart that’s hardened along life’s path, and to be more of the person you were divinely created to be. Grief is an opportunity to live out the best qualities of your loved one in their honor rather than carrying the burden of their loss.
Life is an interesting experience of colorful contradictions. While life’s lighthearted seasons are easier to navigate and more enjoyable, their effects pale in comparison to what the more challenging times in life reveal to you. The secret is not getting stuck in the heaviness and to keep a watchful eye for the opportunities and lessons. If you’re thinking that’s easier said than done, there are very effective ways to move grief through your nervous system and body.
Grieving the loss of a loved one is an individualized and unique journey. And it doesn’t mean that you have this nice, clean black and white choice of burden or revealing. In fact, it can be a dance between the two until you firmly stand on solid ground with the opportunities the loss has brought. Grief can creep in by just anticipating a loss and show up when you least expect it.
Can you relate to these experiences of grief?
A couple weeks after discovering Gram’s diagnosis, I took Kivah for her daily walk. There was nothing noteworthy about this day, nothing previously had tripped my trigger or put me in a mood. While I was walking, Travis ate pistachios that had been gifted to me. This wouldn’t normally be a big deal, but on this particular evening, I felt like I had lost so much in the disappearance of those salty, luscious damn pistachios. It was actually my grief of the upcoming loss being displaced on a deliciously salty snack.
And then there’s anger that popped up when something I’m doing isn’t going smoothly…something not worth being angry over at all. Hello grief! Being mindful of the process and not reacting on every emotion sparking through my body allows me to reveal more of my truth. My truth is pistachios can be purchased. There’s no need for guilt, shame, or upset when my loved one has a snack. My truth is cultivating patience and believing everything is happening right on time. Even when it’s happening clumsily and inconveniently.
It’s these moments of opportunity with grief that allow each of us to get clear on who we are, what characteristics we possess, and what behaviors we express. And that is where the revealing unfolds.
If you’re feeling anchored by grief and loss, Stronger Together is healing and untethering the burden of grief. The focus is on navigating grief; transmuting it to reveal the magic within you and opening you to fill the space loss creates with freedom. If you’re new to my world, Stronger Together is so much more than group healing sessions. It’s a community that will unleash your inner power to transform chaos to peace, lack to fulfillment, and isolation to belonging. It’s a place to discover your purpose, your power, and to come home to yourself!
I have to let you in on a little secret…we select the topics for Stronger Together months in advance. We were inspired to select the topic of grief well before knowing when my grandmother would pass away. Although about 18 months prior to her passing I had a messenger forewarn of these future events. I’ll share that story next week, stay tuned…
Life is so poetic I couldn’t orchestrate it more beautifully if I tried!
Peace & Love,
Janessa
P.S. Want a daily dose of inspiration? Join me on Facebook where I will be dropping a short video of wisdom and inspiration Monday through Friday each week during the month of February.