It’s 2:00 AM & I snap out of a deep sleep in an instant…
Heart racing, sweating, laying on the floor with my feet propped up on the side of the bed attempting to keep from fainting. At just 21 years old.
Had the years of an eating disorder finally taken a toll on my heart I asked myself with insurmountable worry?!? I had enough of my senses about me to take my pulse.
Over 130. My regular resting pulse at the time rarely made it out of the 40s.
This was a heart attack and I was dying. I just knew it.
I’ll never forget this first anxiety attack or the despair I felt the next day when the doctor explained what I had experienced in the middle of the night was indeed anxiety and not cardiac related. I felt more hopelessness with this news than having a heart issue because there was no clear route to making the anxiety stop.
I was hostage to my body doing a really uncomfortable thing that felt like dying and it could return at any time?!?! I was devastated!
From my inner reality I thought life was amazing. I was getting married, getting a job right out of college, had a lovely home, a dog, and was living the dream.
Also from my inner reality I would have never been able to make sense of the fact anxiety is driven by feeling unable to call the shots, feeling boxed in, and feeling helpless to create change. With time and perspective I can now see how all of those feelings existed as I was entering a marriage that wasn’t the right fit for me, a job selling shoes was far from my soul’s calling, and I was struggling day in and day out with an eating disorder.
Anxiety visited for a second season in 2022, but this time around it wasn’t despairing or hopeless. The anxiety and worry were relevant for the events we were traversing. Unlike my initial diagnosis, I knew the anxiety and its triggers wouldn’t be permanent, and I also had tools to move through the anxiety so I didn’t live in a constant state of anxiousness.
If you’ve been sold the lie there’s little you can do to reduce and resolve anxiety, I want to help you rewrite your story!! Lets start NOW!
When the purpose of anxiety is understood, the uncomfortable physical symptoms subside. If you suffer from anxiety take a few minutes to explore and journal:
- Where am I not asserting my desires, wants, and needs?
- What decisions am I not involved in, and how can I become an active participant?
- What areas of my life do I desire change and feel no way of making it happen?