When I arrived to spend the last few days of my Grandma’s life with her, I had one question I so terribly wanted to know. I wanted to ask her when I was with her at Thanksgiving and Christmas but either the timing or my audacity had not aligned. With time drawing near, I knew I had to accept never knowing or ask.
I walked into her room that evening to see her surrounded by family. She had stopped eating and drinking due to the discomfort it caused, yet she was still sitting up engaging with those who visited her. She always loved being with family, and there was no treasure as valuable to her as your time.
I told her how beautiful she was and sat on the floor next to her chair admiring her courage, strength, and calmness. Afterall, she had walked the path through her diagnosis and to her final days with peace and grace that one would only believe could find from practice and having mastered the situation being traversed. I hadn’t witnessed a tear shed or any anguish about what laid ahead of her. Truly remarkable.
As I sat on the floor, I collected my courage to ask this important question. The courage wasn’t caused by nervousness that she wouldn’t be receptive but from having to face the truth that this was really the closing of an incredible chapter.
“What is your greatest reflection and wisdom to share about life?” I asked.
“I don’t know that I have one,” she responded.
That’s fair. She clearly didn’t feel well, and it was a lofty question for the brain anyway.
The next day I returned and sat next to her chair. In the time she had to prepare for the end of her life, she had gotten all of her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren keepsakes to remember her. They were laid out across her bed so I could collect the ones she had selected for Travis and I. All of them cardinals. Aside from the cardinal keepsake she gave us all several other sentiments for memories and consoling.
How thoughtful, how gracious, how wise.
And she sat in peace and poise as tears leaked from the corner of my eyes.
Then she turned to me and said she had decided the nugget of wisdom she wanted to share:
“Patience.”
That was it. One word. No explanation. No examples as to why.
My first thought made me giggle inside: “Wow, she really knows her audience.” The last thing anyone would describe me as is patient.
My next thought… I had no way of understanding or perceiving the level of patience required to pass on from this life in this way. I had watched my grandfather spend an enormous amount of time in hospice care, very vocal about his readiness and desire to die. “How do you get out of this world?!” he would quip. While Gram’s transition to the afterlife was much briefer, this human condition still plagues us all… You’ve likely experienced when you’re absolutely miserable physically it feels like it’s dragging on for an eternity even when it’s a few days or a week.
Gram was 9 1/2 weeks into her diagnosis. And she was peacefully patient in the experience.
I’ve allowed this patience to permeate my life.
What felt like an eternity of walking through this legal situation, now has a greater sense of relativity. A couple years is such a small segment to the entire life I am living.
Patience is immersing myself in the beauty all around while on a walk, a hike, or a drive.
Patience is setting efficiency to the side and indulging in the adventure of the journey to get to the destination.
Patience is no longer focused on how quickly I can get errands and grocery shopping done, but rather how much fun can I have while I’m doing it?!
Most of all, our dreams take time and patience. Those who grow impatient, quit. Those who understand the power of patience see their dreams through until they are living their dreams in reality. It’s no small feat, and not just anyone musters the faith and strength this level of diligent patience requires.
Here are a few journal prompts to explore patience in your own life:
- What areas of my life do I rush and want to have ASAP?
- Reflect on a time when patience benefitted you and led to your success.
- What is the difference between waiting and patience?
- What does control have to do with my impatience?
- What areas of life do I need to stop waiting/being patient and begin taking action?
Patience is a part of navigating grief with grace. In our Stronger Together group coaching community we are healing grief, embracing the unique process each person experiences when grief arises, and learning how to identify grief as it often sneakily expresses itself in ways and times when we aren’t expecting it. We’d love to welcome your unique essence into a place where your personal growth is honored and celebrated!
Peace & Love,
Janessa
Thank you Janessa. I truly appreciated your writings this February especially the last three.
They often say things come in threes and while I’m a skeptic in that regard, it sure seems to bear things out with Donna, Frank and Marilyn, my Dear and loved aunts, and uncle, All three in what seems like one fell swoop.
We Gaylor kids said goodbye to our dad at age 54 in 1976, and the same to our mom at 69, 1993. So it was a sadness revisited with these losses and like the Schaaf family we lost a sister, Bobbie age 56 in 2011 as you have lost Steve not so long ago and way too soon.
And now it brings things to us remaining cousins 11 now to live our “dash”! until we are called home.
Thank you for sending on that little note to me that you completed for aunt Marilyn. It was another blessing from her in her own style.
God bless you
Hi Sharon, thank you for the meaningful and heart felt comment! I bet you have so much wisdom to share in having departed from your parents so many years ago! The sadness and grief certainly revisits in waves, and living out the dash with passion and purpose continues the legacy of our loved ones…helping ease the loss.
You are so welcome for the note! I felt it was on “purpose” I was the one who found them (there were three different cards prepped) amongst all of her belongings, and the fact that I had made it very apparent what was meant to be done. Gram definitely had a way of blessing others in the most unexpected ways!
Blessings and love to you!